By Brooke O’Connor
Mexico has an old-world romanticism emanating from every corner. It calls to people’s hearts for destination weddings—particularly people with Hispanic backgrounds or tourists who hold fond memories of sun-laden holidays on azure waters. Yet, like most things in the modern world, the wedding industry has become more industry and less authentic.
What are traditional weddings like, and how would you know your wedding will be authentically Mexican? First, if your wedding is in Mexico, it is a Mexican wedding. The next thing to ask yourself is how traditional you want to go. Prehispanic? Modern traditional? Gringo modern? Let’s examine what those mean.
Prehispanic Weddings
You will never get an “authentic” prehispanic ceremony. When the Spanish invaded, most of the books were burned, and the native population was forced to forgo public ceremonies. What is left of the old ways has been passed down through oral traditions and human memory. If you ever played the telephone game where one person whispers something in the next person’s ear, and then that person whispers into the next person’s ear, you know by the time it gets to the last person, it’s never the same thing. Imagine that, with the whispering lasting hundreds of years. Moreover, there were any number of prehispanic civilizations; a prehispanic ceremony in Oaxaca will most probably draw on Zapotec traditions, while a wedding in Mexico City will incorporate elements from the Mexica, and in the Yucatán and Chiapas it will draw on Mayan customs.
Regardless of origin, what we have left of the prehispanic ceremony is beautiful. In general, it begins by welcoming the four directions, the four elements, the spiritual guardians of the place, and the energy of the sky (or sun) and the earth. Various offerings may be placed on a table, a mat, or an altar. Then permission is requested for the betrothed to be allowed to join their energy in that place.
Zapotec tradition has the groom blindfolded to represent how the two really don’t see each other until they become one. The bride and groom sit with their backs to each other, illustrating how they come from different places and don’t know each other. The elder who officiates walks them through the counsel of how two become one in spirit, the couple faces each other, and the groom is unblindfolded. The couple can say a few words to each other, and then they are tied by the hands with a rope or a cloth, symbolizing their binding as one.
Mayan traditional weddings will be held in the Mayan language. If you want an interpreter, you can have as many as you like, with as many languages as you like. They have similar practices to the Zapotec, emphasizing connecting with the earth and everything around you.
Modern Traditional
This is where Catholicism meets culture. Much like godparents, “sponsors” called padrinos and madrinas help pay for and organize the wedding. These are usually family friends who have known the couple for many years and give advice. There can be multiple sets of padrinos and madrinas, which helps with the financial burden of a festivity that usually lasts two days. The wedding only takes about an hour, and the rest is for the party.
Instead of the ancient tradition of being tied by the hands, many couples will have a lasso tied around their shoulders in a figure eight, representing their union. The lasso will have a crucifix in the middle, and a blessing is spoken over the couple.
After a blessing and the exchange of rings, the groom will present the bride with las arras matrimoniales, which is a collection of 13 coins. This represents his ability to provide for the family and his commitment to the relationship. Then the padrinos will present the couple with a white Bible and rosary, which the officiant will bless.
The more traditional Catholic weddings include a bouquet of flowers for the Virgin Mother Mary and another for Jesus.
In some areas of Mexico, there will be a wedding parade after the ceremony. People take to the streets to cheer on the couple and sing with a mariachi band. It’s typical to start drinking at this point – and then on to the reception!
Gringo Modern
You could get married on the beach, barefoot under an arch of seaweed, or incorporate any of the traditions above. After all, it is your wedding. However, there are some things to think about.
Your passport, immigration status, and marriage permit must be in order. Here is a link to everything you need:
In addition to the national requirements, there may be local requirements for the area in which you want to be married. Make sure to complete all paperwork and never gloss over steps, as Mexican bureaucracy can be very complicated and frustrating if not followed precisely.
Also, consider your guests. Will they want to trek into the jungle of mosquitoes to live out your dream of an ancient wedding rite? Or would Grandma feel better in a luxury hotel with a waiter bringing her margaritas?
As more people look to return to their roots, and DNA tests from companies like 23andMe are helping people identify their ancestral origin, it’s tempting to want to return to the “old ways.” Rest assured plenty of people are willing to let you pay for that privilege, so make sure you know what you’re asking for and understand all parts of the ceremony you’ll participate in.
Not Every Wedding Ceremony Is for You
Did you know someone has to marry an alligator in Oaxacan Chontal and Huave indigenous communities? Since pre-Hispanic times, there have been weddings between humans and alligators. The marriage between human and beast is a plea for rain, good crops, and enough fish.
As a nod to Catholicism, the female alligator is dressed in pretty white lace, like a virginal bride, and represents Mother Earth in the ceremony. She is wed to a male leader in the community – most recently Victor Hugo Sosa, mayor of San Pedro Huamelula, a bit west of Salina Cruz – and is then carried around town to be adored by all. Yes, the groom is expected to kiss the bride, and the community cheers wildly when that happens. (Photos show that her jaws are tied shut, and the last one was actually a caiman, not quite as fierce as an alligator.)
Though you probably won’t be roped into marrying an alligator, read the fine print of any venue you choose.
Any package wedding destinations will have exclusions and add-ons. Make sure everything is in writing before handing over any money, and be clear on the refund policy for bad weather, pandemics, or other issues.
Divorce
With all the hoops you’ll have to jump through to be married in Mexico, you’ll have plenty of time to make sure you’re making the right life choice. However, things happen.
If the mezcal has worn off after the sunburn fades, and you realize you would rather have married the alligator, take heart. US and Canadian residents can get divorced in their home country even if they were married in Mexico.
Then, you can return to the beautiful beach and live out your favorite Jimmy Buffet song in peace.
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