Tag Archives: remembrance

The Hole in the Floorboard

By Kat Sparks—

I learned to drive on a Volkswagen Thing in Mexico. Part jeep, part car, part truck, ugly as sin, with a hole in the floorboard the size of a dinner plate.

You could look down between your feet and watch Cozumel go by underneath. Gravel, dust, the occasional startled iguana. That hole was my speedometer. If the street was a blur, I was going too fast. If I could count the rocks, I could go faster. Reverse in a Thing is also not where you think it should be, a lesson I would learn again later, at higher stakes and in better shoes.

I was a free-range teenager on that island, back when that was just called being a kid. I had a car, a curfew that was more of a suggestion, and the entire Caribbean as a backyard. What I did not have was privacy. My father, Dean-o, knew I had broken a rule roughly four seconds after I broke it, which I remain convinced defies physics. I would come home rehearsing my story in the driveway, and he would look up from his glass, say my entire name, and the story would evaporate.

I resented it for ten minutes. Then I understood the lesson, which is that the world is small and people talk and you had better be someone you would not mind being reported on. Cozumel gave me independence and street smarts in the same package, which is the only honest way they come.
And it gave me the water.

The first time I dropped into blue water, the real blue, where the reef shelf falls away into a color that has no name in English or Spanish, something in me went quiet and has been looking for that quiet ever since, across too many countries to list. Cenotes, cold quarries, questionable boats captained by men named Chuy. Every dive is an attempt to get back to that first one, and none of them quite do, which is why I keep going.

Dean-o loved Mexico. Not the postcard version, the real one, with the bad roads and the good people and the church bells at hours that make no sense. He never gave me a speech about it. He just lived it in front of me until home stopped being a house and became a country. That is a hard inheritance to explain on a customs form.

Which is how a woman living perfectly happily in Austin ended up in the sierra of Guanajuato.

A friend told us about a hippie artist town in the mountains. Cobblestones, painters, a pink church that looks designed by someone in the middle of a very good dream. My husband, Agapito, and I looked at each other with that particular expression married people get right before they do something enormous. We came. We stayed.

Everything about San Miguel de Allende was overwhelming and beautiful and unknown, all at once. I could not find grape jelly. I could not find a hardware store, then found eleven on the same block, all named after saints. I cried at least twice a week, sometimes from frustration and sometimes because I turned a corner at seven in the evening and the light hit the stone and it was too much beauty to absorb standing up.

Then it stopped being unknown and became mine. The smell of San Miguel in the morning, wood smoke and wet cobblestone and the sugar cloud outside a panadería. The energy of it, which anyone who has spent a week here will tell you is not a metaphor. People arrive to visit, stay twenty years, and never quite explain it to their families back home.

Agapito and I had sweet years here. We drove out to the hot springs when the week got heavy and sat in the water until our fingers pruned and our arguments dissolved, because it is hard to stay mad at someone while floating. We spent Sundays in the Jardín, and here I must explain something to the younger readers. This was before WhatsApp. You did not text to make a plan. You sat on a bench and the plan came to you, wearing a hat, carrying a bag of oranges, asking if you had eaten. Whole friendships were forged on those benches, and the ones still standing are the load bearing walls of my life.

I started writing for Atención back then. Practical things, where to find the impossible item, how to keep a non-chemical home without importing half of it. I did not know I was becoming a person who explains San Miguel to newcomers. I thought I was answering questions about vinegar.

The bipolar got bad. That is the shortest sentence in this essay, and the heaviest. Anyone who has loved someone through mental illness knows the particular grief of watching someone you adore be slowly relocated somewhere you cannot follow. I will not spend your afternoon on it. I will only say that the sweet years were real, and stayed real, and nothing that came after took them from me.

Agapito died. Later, so did my mother. Different times, different kinds of quiet in the house afterward. Grief does not stack neatly. It moves in and rearranges your furniture. I found myself in Seattle with a whole life built around me. Furniture, systems, insurance cards, the correct hoodie. Everything I knew, and a growing certainty that I did not want it.

I want to be honest about what came next, because we lie about this part. Deciding to pack it up and return to San Miguel was not brave and it was not romantic. It was terrifying. There is a specific terror in dismantling a life you spent years assembling, with no guarantee the next will hold your weight. I made the decision, felt sick, made it again the next morning, and did that until I packed the Toyota, put the dogs in the back, and got behind the wheel. That settled the argument.

Here is what I found on the other side. When you rebuild from zero, you get to choose the blueprint.

So I chose community. Radically, deliberately, as the whole point rather than a side effect. That is where ExperienceSMA came from, and why so much of it happens around a table with food on it. Not networking. Not a mixer. A table long enough that you cannot possibly talk only to the person you came with, where strangers pass the salsa and by dessert they have somebody to call. I have watched it happen a hundred times and I am not tired of it.

I am building a life here on my own terms, a phrase I would have found insufferable at twenty-five and now understand costs everything and is worth it.

The hole in the floorboard turned out to be the whole education. You go forward, you watch the road move underneath you, and you accept that some of the dust is going to end up in the truck. And reverse is never where you think it should be. Sometimes you have to push down, and over, and trust that going back is actually the way ahead.

Kat Sparks is the founder and curator of University of Expats and ExperienceSMA.

https://experiencesma.com/

 

To Delay the Third Death

By Tonya Harmon—

I’m writing a memoir. It’s an exploration of the generations of my father’s Slovak family and what I inherited from them. I certainly don’t speak Slovak, and I wasn’t born in Slovakia. What, then, exactly did I inherit?

In conducting research for the book over the last 20 years, I became immersed in the past lives of relatives who were long gone and, in many cases, people I’d never even met. Their names appeared in a church registry for a birth or baptism, marriage or death, and little else. I wanted to know so much more about them: how they lived, what they ate, what they stood for, and what they believed in.

Where do you go to find these details, and can you even unearth them for a person who died nearly a century ago on another continent?

I decided to start with the living. I studied the picture of my family on the day they left Yugoslavia in 1938 and tracked down a woman who was a teenager at the time.

Julka was 14 when our families emigrated to Canada together and was in her late eighties when we met. She remembered my great-grandfather’s bakery and how she would walk past the other bakeries to go to his, the best in town. Every day at the end of the school day, my great-uncle Andy would ride his bike to the schoolyard and ring his bell. His basket was filled with baguettes and zemle, plump round rolls, and kifle, the crescent-shaped rolls said to have inspired the croissant.

Julka remembered the taste of the kifle and how she had spent her whole life searching for one that tasted as good as she remembered but never found it. Julka died a few months after our interview.

She remembered the day the picture was taken, that it was raining, and that her boyfriend had arranged the send-off. My great-grandmother had stood behind the camera, taking one last picture of her son, daughter-in-law, and only granddaughter, Datka. “My eyes will never see you again,” she said.

I traveled to Yugoslavia to meet relatives and learned about my great-uncle Stefan, the family jokester. Once at a wedding, he’d sprinkled hot paprika on the toilet paper and sat back laughing as people came out of the outhouse hopping and itching. He also hid ammunition in the water well for partisans fighting against fascists in WWII.

On the internet I found a website in Slovak written by an elderly man who had lived his whole life in the same village as my family. He had written about the history of the town and my family. I tracked Jan down and we began a decade-long conversation through Facebook, him in Slovak, me in English. We traded stories and genealogical facts and became friends. I was devastated when he died suddenly two years ago.

As I traveled to meet people and collected historical facts about the places and times they lived in, the lives of my long-gone relatives slowly started to come alive for me. I found the family recipe for the kifle Julka remembered and made them, enjoying the taste as much as Julka did. I saw bundles of drying peppers hanging from the porches in the village where Stefan had lived. I wrote to the German government requesting details about family members who had been arrested and read bureaucratic records containing unanswered letters from relatives begging for information about their loved ones.

In 2011, Jaro Miklović took me from house to house in my family’s hometown. At each stop, food appeared before we had finished asking questions: sausage, bread, cakes, glasses raised in welcome. Albums came out. I took pictures of photographs hanging on walls and held family samplers stitched more than a hundred years earlier.

Again and again, someone who had been a stranger, appearing only as a name in the family tree, stopped feeling like one.

Over the years, recipes crossed oceans. Photographs resurfaced. Distant relatives found one another. Objects and stories moved from one branch of the family to another.

Living in Mexico has made me think differently about what it means to remember the dead. Here people sometimes speak of Las Tres Muertes, the Three Deaths.

The first death is when the body stops working and the heart stops beating. The second is when the body is buried. The third comes when the last living person who remembers you forgets your name. That is when you disappear completely.

The idea is often connected to Día de Muertos. Families build an ofrenda and place photographs on it, lighting candles, telling stories, and putting out the favorite foods of the people who have died, believing this may entice them to come home for the day.

It is one of the most beautiful things about living in Mexico. It is colorful and joyful, but underneath it is something very serious. Remembering is an act of love, and perhaps also an act of preservation.

I thought about this when I received an email from a woman looking for an old friend named Juan Carlos. She had known him in the early 1970s. He was the first cousin of my aunt’s former husband, part of another Slovak immigrant family whose members had settled in both Canada and Argentina. She found me because of something I had written about the death of my aunt’s twenty-three-year-old daughter, Karla, in 1993.

I vaguely remembered Juan Carlos. He had visited our family in Montreal once. He was tall and thin and very kind and was studying to become a pediatrician.

I had to tell her that he had died young, more than forty years earlier.

A few years later, she wrote again.
This time she wanted to speak to his sister.
I sat looking at the email.
After all those years, she still remembered him.
His body had died, he had been buried, but his name had not disappeared.
She still remembered.

Maybe Slovak families have been doing the same thing in their own way all along, not with marigolds and sugar skulls, but with recipes, family trees, photographs kept in drawers and hung on walls. And with names repeated at our kitchen tables.
With a woman writing to me more than forty years later asking about a young man she had once known. Memory, it appears, traveled farther than the people themselves.

I came to Mexico believing I had followed my own route very far from home. Instead, I found myself living in a place that understood what I had been doing for years.

My great-grandmother’s crystal bowls in my armoire are part of that ofrenda. So is the kifle, the family tree, the photographs I copied from albums, and the stories told at the kitchen table.
So is this book.

For a long time, I thought I was collecting evidence.
I understand now that I was also collecting people.
Julka. Andy. Stefan. Jan. Jaro. Karla. Juan Carlos.
Each time I recover a name from a church register, identify someone in a photograph, translate a letter, or repeat a story, that person is back with us for a little while.
Perhaps that is what family history is for.
To delay the third death.

Tonya Harmon lives in SMA and is a wealth of knowledge about food and cheese: http://www.EmpressofCheese.com

 

Remembering Deborah Van Hoewyk

By Randy Jackson

“It was an accident, my obsession with oh-so-blue jacaranda… I’d come to Oaxaca for a university conference, and thought, ‘I got his far, why not stay and go to the beach? I see this place called Huatulco…’”

So began Deborah’s serendipitous arrival into a diverse community of snowbirds and expats in this warm, jewelled collection of bays on the Pacific Coast. Only Deborah was more than a member of this community; she was a catalyst in its formation. With her energy, curiosity, and instinct for helping people and animals alike, she drew others together and turned chance acquaintances into lasting friendships.

A Life of Learning and Connection
Deborah was born in Providence, Rhode Island, and grew up in Cumberland, Maine. Her academic pursuits were extensive: she earned a bachelor’s degree in English from Columbia University and a master’s from Queens College, City University of New York. She later pursued doctoral studies in Urban Planning at the University of Michigan. In 1986, she married John. Concurrent with their academic careers, they embraced a different kind of life on a 40-acre farm near Ann Arbour, Michigan, where they raised sheep, goats, pigs, and poultry.

Like many of her friends in Huatulco, Deborah and John’s transition into retirement marked the beginning of a new chapter, a rich life spent with winters in Huatulco, surrounded by friends and a social calendar full of activities.

The Rhythm of Life in Huatulco
In 2007, Deborah and John bought their home in Santa Cruz. Their evenings soon found their own unique rhythm, with the sounds of the “pineapple dance” drifting over their garden wall from the Binniguenda Hotel. Life in their Mexican home had its own rhythm, too, coloured by the often humorous unpredictability of renovations, shifting household staff, and the antics of coatimundis and leaf-cutter ants. Each year, the season was punctuated by the must-have invitation, the end-of-volleyball-season party at the Van Hoewyks.

Deborah’s contributions to the Huatulco community were both wide-ranging and deeply felt. Her passion for animal welfare was evident through her work with several organizations: the Snipsisters, which focused on pet and street animal sterilization; Palmas Unidas, which organized rescue and clinic work; and Forever Homes, where she and John fostered animals awaiting adoption. Beyond her love of animals, she also supported the Bacaanda Foundation, working to create stronger educational opportunities in rural Oaxaca.

Throughout their years in Huatulco, Deborah’s energy and curiosity animated every part of her life. She continued her study of Spanish and, with John, explored the region’s hidden corners – remote bays, coffee farms, eco hideaways, and off-the-beaten-path communities. She became a valued part of The Huatulco Eye magazine as both a writer and copy editor and was an active participant in countless local initiatives. Each winter, she and John made the long, adventurous drive from their northern home on the Atlantic coast to their southern home on the Pacific, often hauling supplies for volunteer projects but always leaving space for their beloved cats.

A Legacy of Friendship
In 2023, Deborah and John sold their house in Santa Cruz, shifting gears to new adventures in later retirement. She maintained her passion for books and book clubs while also writing grant proposals for non-profit organizations, engaging in community gardening, undertaking home renovations, and exploring through international travel. Her energy and curiosity endured throughout a full and rich life. Deborah passed away on August 28, 2025, in Portland, Maine.
These words are offered in remembrance of Deborah — as a proud friend, one among many, and as a colleague at The Eye. All of us, writers, readers, and friends alike, remain grateful for the many ways she enriched our community, and especially thankful for the gift of her friendship and her presence in our lives.