Tag Archives: divorce

February 2024

Love and ¿Marriage?

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By Jan Chaiken and Marcia Chaiken

Love and marriage are eternally linked – or so we are told through truisms and songs. “Every little girl dreams about her wedding” – really? “Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage” -we sing it but does anyone in this modern age believe it? The romantic notion that love inevitably leads to marriage and ties marriage contracts to an extremely expensive and ostentatious celebration of love is a relatively modern conceit that has been practiced for decades rather than centuries and, based on our family experience, may be going out of fashion.

Somewhat over 60 years ago, when we informed our parents that we wanted to marry but wanted to skip the big wedding, we were told that we were too young to make that decision. We had the official marriage ceremony and contract signing in front of 250 people followed by all the romantic elements everyone expects – the first dance, the cutting of the cake, the toasts, the shower of rice. Thirty-three years ago our son and daughter-in-law had pretty much the same wedding with minor variations. But last May, our granddaughter called on a Friday to tell us that she and her boyfriend were going to marry on Monday and asked us to attend along with four other people. The ceremony was in a courthouse and performed by a judge–no rings, no personal vows–just official documents. Why the quick marriage? Because although they were already committed to a loving, supportive relationship, when he became her legal spouse he would automatically be enrolled in the health benefits she would be receiving as an OB-GYN resident. Their wedding reflected a return to the primary purpose of marriage for millennia: economic benefits.

Marriage as a socio-economic institution has existed for at least as long as writing. There are documents and laws referring to marriage that are more than 3,000 years old in Mesopotamia (current-day Iraq) and elsewhere in the Middle East. The Hebrew bible has reference to husbands and wives and also describes various events prior to marriages (although not to any details of ceremonies). In only one marriage in the bible is the concept of love between spouses mentioned – Isaac loved Rebecca. Not surprisingly, written mentions of divorce are also available from around the same time period, including in the Hebrew bible. But customs and practices surrounding marriage and divorce developed and were codified gradually over later centuries, with interruptions in early Christianity when divorce was forbidden entirely.

From about the 12th century in Europe – and the emergence of the concept of courtly love – until the middle of the 20th century, practices and ceremonies related to marriage and divorce were so stable that we can read novels and histories from that period and have little doubt about what was going to happen in the chapters following a particular couple’s announcement of intent to marry or a married couple’s becoming estranged.

But then came major changes around the world – in the last 80 years, fewer people became married at all, the average age at marriage increased, more unmarried couples lived together, same-gender marriage became a formal recognition of a behavior that occurred previously less conspicuously and without legal acknowledgement, and parenthood became uncoupled from marriage. The positions of religious organizations on these issues also shifted during this time period and are still in flux.

The extent of these changes has varied greatly among countries, especially where previously unapproved practices have been legalized at different times and to different degrees. For example, same-gender marriage was legalized nationally in Canada in 2005, but it was not possible in Mexico until just one state allowed it beginning in 2015; eventually, state after state approved until in 2022 Mexico achieved national legalization. The first U.S. state to permit same-gender civil unions was Vermont in 2000, followed four years later by Massachusetts’ legalizing same-gender marriage. U.S. national legalization of same-gender marriage occurred in 2015.

But even before same-gender marriages were legally sanctioned, some clergy willingly performed ceremonies with all the elements of marriages of opposite-gender couples. One of the most memorable family weddings we attended in the early 1990’s was one in which both brides wore identical gowns – one in white and one in black. The elements of the marriage ceremony and reception were virtually identical to ours in the early 1960s.

All three countries of North America experienced rapidly declining marriage rates in the last 80 years. In the US, the marriage rate peaked in 1942 with 16.3 marriages per 1,000 people and then plummeted to 5.7 in 2019. Canada peaked in 1972 at 9.2 per 1,000 people and dropped to 4.1 in 2019. Mexico held fairly steady around 5.0 for decades, dropping a bit to 4.0 in 2014. (All countries had sharply lower numbers of marriages in 2020 and 2021, during the COVID pandemic.)

Canada has a definition of common-law marriage for census purposes– this describes a couple living together without marriage for a period of time, or with a child of one or both of them. The number of common-law marriages in Canada has increased five-fold in the last 40 years and substantially explains the decline in real marriages as well as the later age at which people are married. In Canada, common-law marriages now account for about one-quarter of all households with two adults.

The average age at first marriage is now 29 in the U.S., 31 in Canada, and 32 for men, 29 for women in Mexico. Compared to 1950, these figures have risen from age 22 in the US, age 23 in Canada, and age 21 in Mexico, or an increase of about 7 years of age in the U.S. and Canada, 10 years of age in Mexico.

Ending a Marriage

While a severe drop in the number of marriages initiated during the COVID pandemic is easily understood, there was a similar dramatic drop in divorces during those years due to a combination of people’s unwillingness to change their living arrangements and the difficulty of processing paperwork for accomplishing a divorce when attorneys and courts were not readily accessible.

Outside those years, the annual number of divorces has been dropping throughout North America. This is explained mostly by the fact that couples living together without marriage (or, in Canada, in common-law marriages) do not require a divorce to dissolve their relationship. Examining divorce, then, as a percentage of marriages, in the U.S. about 40% of marriages end in divorce. This is higher than in Canada or Mexico, but lower than it was in the 1970s in the US. In Canada, about 33% of marriages dissolve. Experts attribute this lower rate to Canada’s strong social safety-net and family-friendly policies. Mexico traditionally has had the lowest divorce rate in North America – about 15% of marriages end in divorce. This is attributed to Mexico’s patterns of family unity and multi-generational households, influence of the Catholic church, and the sheer difficulty of processing a divorce through Mexico’s legal system. But no one has suggested that the lower divorce rates are due to stronger bonds of love.

Today, although love may lead to long-term cohabitation, few would suggest that love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. In fact the trends seems to suggest that marriage may become as obsolete as a horse and carriage. And, as women are becoming increasingly economically independent, marriage as a socio-economic institution may be replaced by other means of sharing companionship, daily housekeeping duties and child-raising responsibilities.

February 2022

Marriage in Mexico

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By Kary Vannice

For the most part, people in developed countries still see Mexico as a third-world or developing country. In most parts of the world, Mexico has a reputation for being behind the curve when it comes to business and technology and behind the times when it comes to modern cultural mores.

Even for those of us who choose to live here in Mexico, we, too, often fall into the trap of thinking that Mexico lags far behind our countries of origin, where we like to think morality and equality are more favored. Which is why you might be surprised to learn that Mexico, in general, is quite progressive when it comes to the subject of marriage.

Underage Marriage

In 2019, the Mexican Senate issued a total ban on underage marriage without parental consent, meaning that no person under the age of 18 could marry without permission. Before that, the legal age for marriage was 14 for girls and 16 for boys. Now, no person younger than that can marry, even with parental consent.

If you’re thinking, “That doesn’t sound progressive at all!” or “Why did it take Mexico so long to take action to protect underage girls and boys?”, consider that Massachusetts, in the United States, has a minimum marriage age with parental consent of 14 years old for boys and 12 years old for girls. In New Hampshire, it’s 14 for males and 13 for females, and both Mississippi and California have no minimum age at all, as long as there is parental consent.

Same-Sex Marriage

Now, consider that Mexico City also became one of the first jurisdictions to legalize same-sex marriage, all the way back in 2009. When looking at a global same-sex marriage legalization timeline, you’ll find this legislation sandwiched right between Norway and Sweden, two countries that are arguably considered to be among the most progressive in the world. In North America, Canada led the way back in 2005, with its legislation of the Civil Marriage Act. And the United States lagged far behind both. It was not until 2015 that the Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges, making same-sex marriages legal in all 50 states. Same-sex unions in Mexico also enjoy all of the same legal rights as heterosexual couples.

Religious vs. Civil Unions

Interestingly, in a country where 72% of residents identify as Catholic, and only about 15% identify as having no religious affiliation at all, only civil ceremonies are recognized as legal in Mexico. Religious weddings are seen as symbolic only and are not recognized by law. Most couples wishing to marry in the church have a civil service performed at a local municipality before they tie the knot at the church.

Divorce

Divorce has been legal in Mexico for over a century. In contrast, Italy didn’t legalize divorce until 1977. It took Ireland two more decades, until 1997. And Chile even more recently legalized divorce in 2004.

Just a few years after that, in 2008, Mexico City approved unilateral divorce (meaning one spouse could file for divorce without the consent of the other), and other states in Mexico quickly followed suit. Today there are three types of divorce in Mexico, and either spouse can legally file for divorce.

Mexico, unlike many other countries, has kept the legalities of civil unions largely on the side of civil government and kept it out of the realm of religious wedlock, which is one of the main reasons why they have always been ahead of the curve compared to other predominantly Catholic countries.

You do not have to be a resident to be legally married in Mexico. Many foreigners wed each year in Mexico. Prenuptial agreements are legal and upheld by law in Mexico. In the future, you can expect Mexico to be at or near the leading edge when it comes to legal rights around marriage.

2021, February 2021

Marriage in the Time of COVID – A Statistical Review

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By Randy Jackson

If we are lucky, we only have to endure various COVID-19 effects on society for one to two years. Any effect that the pandemic might have on the incidence of marriage likely won’t even register as a bump on the long, long road in the history of marriage; however, whatever COVID effects there might be, could also exacerbate some negative trends in the institution of marriage in 2020-21. Sampling from a flood of research, articles, and speculation on the institution of marriage, I pulled together four interesting statistics to see what might happen to pandemic marriages.

The first record of a marriage ceremony is from Mesopotamia in 2350 BC. Anthropologists suggest that marriages between one man and one woman started around the time when humans first formed agricultural societies, about eleven or twelve thousand years ago. With the advent of personal property, men needed to know which children were their biological heirs. Back then, and for a long, long time thereafter, the title of Tina Turner’s 1984 hit song “What’s love got to do with it?” pretty much summed things up. Marriages were arrangements made between family groups for economic and political reasons. They bound one man to one woman (not equally) for the production of children, the division of labour, and the inheritance of property.

How Do We Meet and Marry?

Even today half of all marriages in the world are arranged. India comes to mind in this regard, as 90% of that country’s marriages are arranged. Young people in India, even in the wealthiest and most educated levels of society, still largely prefer to enter into a marriage where a spouse is chosen for them (in modern educated families each marriage candidate holds a veto). There are a number of studies that show arranged marriages are no less successful than those called “love marriages.” Just before COVID struck, 35% of couples met online, the most frequent method for meeting a partner. COVID could only increase this trend.

When Do We Marry?

Another trend going into the pandemic is that people are getting married later. In Greek and Roman times up to the middle ages, marriage was common for girls starting at age 12, for boys it was age 14. By the 15th century records show the common marriage age was closer to 17. By colonial times in Europe and North America, women were commonly getting married by 20 and men by 26. By 2017, the age of marriage in Canada, Mexico and the USA was 27 for women and 30 for men. Marriage age in Europe is generally higher – Sweden had the highest marriage age among countries in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, well into the mid-30’s. Turkey had the lowest marriage age in the OECD, with women marrying before the age of 25 and men before 28.

How Often Do We Call It Quits?

News stories abound on the extra stress on marriages because of COVID lockdowns and restrictions. One of many such articles is a BBC story from December 2020, “Why the pandemic is causing spikes in break-ups and divorces.” Although the story uses anecdotal or “soft” data, not statistics (it’s too early for that), one source was a major British law firm. The firm reported an increase in divorce inquiries of 122% over the previous year. There have been increases in divorce inquiries in the U.S., China, and Sweden – and no doubt other countries as well. There’s a busy year ahead for divorce lawyers.

One thing that is not news going into the pandemic is that divorce rates around the world have been climbing for decades. The highest divorce rates in the world are in Europe, often greater than 60%, followed by Canada and the USA, nearing 50%. Latin and South America are lower, as is much of Asia. Vietnam has the lowest in the OECD (7%).

This chart shows the percentage of divorces among couples who have been married only once. Divorce rates per capita – perhaps a better statistical measure – are increasing around the world and have been for years leading up to these COVID times. (The divorce rate in the U.S. has actually been decreasing, from a high of 50% in the 1980s, but it varies by age group – “gray” divorce rates are going up.) Divorce rates for 2021 and beyond should be interesting, with couples bursting out of lockdown and heading to their divorce lawyers on the one hand, but fewer marriages in 2020 to hit the rocks further downstream.

How Many of Us Do NOT Marry?

One final statistic that pulls together all the trends mentioned above is the percentage of single-person households.

Following the same country pattern as divorce rates, European countries (especially Nordic countries) have the highest number of single person households, followed by Canada and the USA, then Latin America and Asia. Pakistan has the lowest number of single person households in the OECD.

This statistic is where all aspects of the decline in traditional marriage come to rest. Fewer people are choosing to marry, those marrying are doing so later in life, and more couples are separating and divorcing. All this leads to a higher number of single person households. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If there is a crisis here, it’s that we need more houses. That first recorded marriage back in 2350 BC, between two kids who would be in grade 7 in our times – just doesn’t work. Things have changed, and marriage too will change and adapt.

Increasing equality between the sexes, personal and economic freedoms, birth control, and just plain knowledge of the world all mean that marriage has some catching up to do. In times of COVID and beyond, women and men will find some form of relationship that works for them and for them to have and raise children. Love – Para Siempre. Feliz Día del Amor y la Amistad.